If friends and family are coming to your house for a holiday gathering, here are some things you can do to help make the event comfortable and enjoyable for everyone:
Spaces
As a host, you know you have to prepare spaces for large groups to gather and do activities. But remember that for a wide range of reasons, your guests will also benefit from having quiet places where they can go to recharge.
Make sure this "space away" is just as well prepared as the large group areas. It should be feel welcoming, be free from clutter, and be easy to access.
Clearly communicate with your guests (both ahead of time and on the day of the event) where the room is and that it is available for anyone who needs a space to take a break or recharge.
Make sure that the words you use to describe the room are positive and don't highlight a difference between groups of people...after all, anyone might find that they benefit from being able to step away for a moment so they can re-center, recharge, and reengage.
Foods
Clearly communicate the list of food items that will be available.
If meals are potluck-style, ask guests to let you know ahead of time what they're planning to bring. Remind guests of the dietary restrictions of others, but do not limit what others can bring. Instead make sure that, as the host, you fill in menu gaps as needed.
When you communicate the list of foods that will be available, also make it clear to all your guests that individuals are welcome to bring their own safe foods without needing to bring portions large enough to share. Phrase this in ways that are positive and don't draw unnecessary attention to individuals or groups.
Sensory Considerations
Avoid strong scents - save these for when you are not hosting. What is comforting or fun for you might not be for others.
Be attentive to noise levels. If you are playing festive music, make sure your guests don't have to speak louder than normal to be heard. If some of your guests want to socialize while watching TV, try to set aside a separate space for them.
Most importantly, if a guest tells you that the music is too loud or that scents are too strong, be respectful and not dismissive.
The Moments of Gift Giving
Understand that opening gifts in front of others can bring a lot of social pressure. This pressure can come from many different parts of receiving a gift:
an individual might feel pressured to show excitement in the way others expect rather than how they would naturally show it;
they might feel pressured to feign excitement even if they're not enthused about the gift;
they might be worried about being able to unwrap their package fluidly.
Providing a private space for individuals to open gifts relieves some of this pressure. "Private" could either mean totally alone or in the company of the gift giver (because it's completely reasonable for the giver to want to give the gift directly).
Another option is to let the individual to choose whether to open it right when they receive it or later.
Inclusion
Engage with others' interests in ways that are genuine. Create a welcoming environment for all your guests to share what brings them joy.
Communicate clearly. This means taking the time to learn and understand how others communicate - both their style and their method.
If a guest communicates nonverbally, learn how to engage with their method and/or communication technology. Make sure to include them in conversation along with everyone else. Read more tips on this specific inclusion.
Be receptive to others' input. Trust that they are the expert of their own experience.
Clarify misunderstandings without giving instructions on what someone should have done.
The Value of Neurodiverse-Affirming Holiday Environments
A little bit of planning, consideration, and communication can go a long way in making any gathering more comfortable and meaningful for all your guests. A neurodiverse-affirming holiday environment reduces stress for those you love and shows that you value loved ones for exactly who they are.